The day after their youngest child left for college, the house was finally quiet. They sat across from each other at the kitchen table, poured coffee, and realized they had absolutely nothing to say. For eighteen years, they had been highly successful co-CEOs of a parenting corporation. They managed the schedules, the tutors, the sports, and the meals perfectly.
But in the process of putting the children first, they had sacrificed the marriage. They didn't know each other's inner worlds anymore. They hadn't gone on a date that didn't involve discussing the kids in over a decade.
Modern culture tells us that good parents sacrifice everything—including their marriage—for their kids. But Family Systems theory proves the exact opposite. Sacrificing the marriage to orbit the children doesn't help the children; it creates deep anxiety within them, and ultimately destroys the family foundation.
The most loving thing you can do for your children is to show them that they are *not* the center of the universe. When you prioritize your marriage, you relieve them of the impossible, terrifying burden of keeping the family together with their achievements and moods.
Lock the bedroom door. Go on the date. Say no to the third travel soccer team if it means you can't have a Saturday morning coffee with your spouse. Build the concrete foundation they are meant to stand on, rather than letting them crush the house.